E-Journal of Nathanlie Eoghan Steward October 11, 2018 “GHOSTS” – Part IV

Brian’s eyes find mine, and he smiles. “That’s why you were rushing into some of those burning buildings. You were trying to rescue these.”

“To be honest,” I explain, “I didn’t rush into burning buildings for all of them. A number of those I pulled out of garbage bins, or piles of films that were going to be set on fire. In those cases, I replaced the spools I took with extra copies of other movies, or even blank film so no one would notice they were missing.”

“Wait?” Lisa cries and gives me a puzzled look. “People were burning Roscoe’s films? Was it because of the trial?”

I nod.

“But he was declared innocent!” she protests, while a large man with a huge warm smile on his face quietly appears behind her.

I smile inwardly. It’s always good to see my old buddy, Roscoe.

“You are correct, my child,” Brian beams. “However, the verdict of innocence, came at the end of his third trial.” As he speaks, it’s clear that neither he nor Lisa seem to have taken notice of the famous silent film star, who is currently looking over their shoulders to see which films of his they were holding.

As you can already guess, the fact that they can’t see him comes as no surprise to me. After all, I happen to know Roscoe isn’t a ghost. He’s a mental ‘construct’, so to speak, created by my mind and based on our many years of friendship.

For those not aware, I literally remember everything I’ve ever experienced. Heck, I even have memories of being inside my own mother’s womb, if you can believe it.

And among that mountain of memories is every single person I’ve ever met. Some I met only on rare occasions, or even just once in passing. But I do remember them.

Others, like Roscoe (and a host of others I was really close to), I can remember in complete detail. I can recall their personalities, manner of speaking, all their habits, the works. It’s one of the many gifts my Sangui-Sapio companion has granted me.

And every so often, when I feel really lost or am simply missing one of them, that person will appear to me, just like now.

From my point of view, it’s like they’re in the room with me and we interact as if time had never separated us. I guess the best way to explain it is like having a film projector, in your head. And the film is being shown on a screen inside my eyes, complete with sound, so visually and audibly they appear to be in the same room I’m in. And as is the case right now, my old friends can stand or wander around and even react to any living people who also happen to be in the room. This means I also I get to privately enjoy my old friend’s reactions and antics. However, this occasionally winds up with me reacting and saying or doing things in front of my actual guests which leave them more than a little puzzled at times.

As I stated earlier, my existence tends to be a very strange one sometimes.

Anyhow, I presume my ongoing dilemma of what to run on opening night, and Lisa’s discovery of Roscoe’s ‘lost’ films, is what has generated this impromptu visitation from my old friend. Not that I mind. He may have been known mainly for his comic genius, but like Otto, he was always full of keen insights and good advice.

Meanwhile, Brian continues, “You see, my dear, the first two trials ended with hung juries.”

Immediately, Lisa smacks her forehead while saying, “Which means the accusation was hanging over his head for months.”

“And the newspapers, especially those owned by Randolph Hearst, were dragging his name through the mud the whole time,” Brian adds solemnly.

I watch Roscoe pull out a handkerchief and wipe his brow, muttering, “Pal, you don’t know the half of it.”

Quietly, I sympathize with my old friend. Not a lot of people knew what he went through, but I did. I was there for him the whole time, along with Buster, Roscoe’s nephew Al (St. John), plus a number of others. We all stood by him throughout all three trials. From the beginning to the end, when he was finally exonerated. Yet, in spite of that ruling, which was accompanied by a formal apology prepared by the jury and read out loud by the judge, it had already been too late. Roscoe’s reputation had been irreversibly trashed in the eyes of the public and Hollywood.

No sooner does that thought pass through my mind, Lisa cries out, “Hey, here’s one for the Halloween season. Fatty and the Ghost.”

Immediately, her father leans over to peek and exclaims, “I’ve never heard of that one. Maybe, it’s one of the films that never got to the screen because of the trial. That happened to several others he did. Although, as I recall, some of those did get shown overseas.”

Meanwhile, Lisa is shaking her head. “I don’t think so, dad. Look at the date. This was shot back in 1912, almost 10 years before the scandal.”

Roscoe, who has been looking over their shoulders the whole time, suddenly shoots a devilish smile me and says, “Are you going to tell them, or should I?”

I suppress a smile and explain to the other two, “Portions of that film were only ever shown to a select group of individuals. Namely, those who were involved in the making of it.”

Brian raises on eyebrow as he gives me a curious look. “Your tone of voice tells me you were one of those people who got to see it. May one ask how you were involved in the film?”

Pretending to examine my fingernails, I reply nonchalantly, “Oh, I didn’t do much, just co-starred in it.”

The looks of shock, surprise, and disbelief that flashed across both father and daughter’s faces, accompanied by a healthy dose of stammering and head shaking, prompted Roscoe to stand next to me saying, “Boy, what I wouldn’t give to have caught that all on film. These two would’ve been great in one my movies.”

“I taught them everything they know,” I murmur quietly back at him.

“Yeah, right,” he laughs. “You forget, I’ve seen how many times Lisa has run rings around you. She’s made a monkey out of you so many times, you could audition for the next ‘Planet of the Apes’ movie.”

Now, Roscoe left this world back in 1933. So, the fact he is now making references to movies that were made decades after he passed, were one of those little details that helped me figure out long ago that he (and a number of my other acquaintances from across the years) was a construct made up from my memories.

Or at least that’s what I’ve always told myself. Tonight, however, I was about to find out that there are still more things in heaven and earth than I ever dreamed possible.

Marisa’s Musings “Lost and Alone”… June 23rd, 2011

****NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I want to warn you all in advance that this particular entry is a bit heavier than some of the ones you’ve seen before.  It deals with someone fighting cancer.  So if you wish to take a pass on this entry I’ll understand.  I suffered a loss of someone very dear to me a few months back and it hurt to write this passage, since I drew upon a lot of the emotions and thoughts that I went through.  However, this sub-story plays an important role in the main novel.  So I leave it to your own discretion.  I don’t wish to hit anyone’s ‘triggers’ and set you off. SPOILER: And if it’s any comfort, the person fighting cancer is still around in the novel.****

 

Sorry I haven’t been posting for a while, my life has turned upside down in the worst way possible and I don’t know what to do.

About two months ago Dad went to see our family doctor, Jack Tyler.  He’s been our physician for as long as I can remember.  Which only makes sense since he and my dad grew up together.  Anyway, Dad went to see him for his annual physical.  Aside from feeling a little tired for the last month or two, he didn’t have any complaints.  But some of his blood tests came back and something wasn’t right.  So there were more tests, followed by X-rays and a Cat-Scan.  Long story short, he’s got cancer.

Uncle Jack assured us that it was detected early and there was a good chance they could treat it with surgery.  Well, the surgery seemed to go okay, but then they found it had spread to one or two lymph nodes.  So they removed those as well and now he’s getting chemotherapy and radiation treatments.

He’s been holding up for the most part, but those therapies take so much out of him.  He’s lost weight and looks a bit grey some days.  Plus they leave him pretty weak. Some days he mostly sleeps or just sits and reads or watches a movie or two.  Uncle Jack has told us things are looking good, but he said that about the surgery so I’m not as confident in his predictions.

At this point I’m trying to spend more time with Dad.  I keep feeling like I may lose him and I don’t want to.  I’ve stopped hanging out as much with my friends, except for Lisa.  She’s my best friend and has been trying to be there for me every step of the way.  Unfortunately, she’s heading to England for the summer with her family.  Apparently, her godfather is over there and made arrangements to have her entire family come and stay with him for a while.  I’ve never met the guy, but I’ve a lot about him.   Uncle Nate is in like his twenties and is working with a professor over in London, which is someplace Lisa’s always wanted to visit.  She offered to ask her parents to let her stay with my family, but I told her no.  If this turns out to be the last summer I have with my father I want to be with him as much as possible.

 

 

I even cut back on my school activities as soon as I knew he’d been diagnosed with cancer.  The first thing I did was give up my place as head cheerleader.  Both my parents told me I didn’t have to do it, but I knew they’d need me, and they have  It’s been a rough couple of months.

Watching my dad have to sit around be tired out so easily freaks me out sometimes.  I mean, he’s a mail carrier.  He walks miles and miles every week doing his route.  Now he gets winded just moving from room to room sometimes.  Which is why I need to be around for him.  Mom can’t always be here, so I make sure I am.  He and I sit together and talk or read.  Sometimes we’ll watch movies, but even that’s been kind of hard lately.  Not for him, but for me.

 

 

I know I mentioned a while back that he loves vampire movies.  They’re like his all time favorite thing to watch.  And until he got sick I loved them too.  But now when I watch the heroes trying to save someone who’s being fed on night after night by Christopher Lee or whoever’s playing Dracula, I keep noticing how pale and even grey the victim looks sometimes.  They’re so weak and tired, after having started out so lively and vibrant earlier in the film.  So instead of helping take my mind off what Dad’s fighting, I get a huge reminder that I may lose him.

When I look at the television screen instead of seeing a vampire, I see some form of cancer that’s taken on a human shape.  And it’s everywhere.  Even at school I used to hang with a couple of the Goth kids, but then I stopped.  All that pale make-up and dark clothing… it was too much.

 

 

God I wish Lisa were here right now.  I feel so lost and alone sometimes.  But I’ve still got my dad and I’m going to hold onto him as much as possible.  I pray Uncle Jack is right and Dad is going to be okay.  I just wish there was more I could do for him.  I feel so helpless sometimes..

Oh, he’s just woken up from a nap and is calling for me.  Sounds like he wants to watch another movie with me.  Talk to you all again soon.  If you don’t hear from me again for a while, I know you’ll understand.

Ciao for now…