Tag Archives: fibromyalgia

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A Brief Interruption…

At least I hope it will be a brief one. This is Allan and I wanted to let you all know there will be a very “Hopefully” pause in the story.  Health issues on the home front have slowed down our writing, specifically a very painful Flare-Up in my Fibromyalgia. This can last from a couple of days to even a couple of weeks. I’m doing what I can to make sure it doesn’t last that long.

    Your patience would be greatly appreciated for the delay in the next installment of the current story. I’ll do my best not to keep you all waiting too long.

Thank you all for your patience and understanding.

Sincerely,

Allan

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Nathaniel’s E-Journal, Feb. 5th, 20– “Memories of Music and Fibromyalgia”

I had just gotten back to Pointer after doing some book signings up in Allentown Pennsylvania.  The night was still young, but I didn’t feel like dropping in on Brian and his family.  After spending hours talking and signing books I felt like having some alone time.  So I headed downtown to where my club awaited.

Being a Thursday night, I knew it wouldn’t be open to the public so it was a safe bet I’d have the place to myself.  After quietly leaving my car near Doctor Jack’s office, I walked the streets for a while in order to stretch my legs.  It felt good.

I never knew being an author could be so tiring at times.  Oh the late nights writing suit me fine, but ever since I signed a few deals with Hollywood, my presence has been in demand.  Meetings, lectures, book signings, and personal appearances have kept me busy lately.  So not having to be anywhere in particular and being able to wander a bit is very relaxing.

But as I drew close to the alleyway that led to my club, I spotted a familiar figure lingering nearby.

It was Teddy, one of my regular customers.  He’s a nice kid who I helped out a few weeks ago when one of the jocks tried to bully him for asking a cheerleader to dance.  I put a stop to things rather quickly, especially when I realized he suffered from Fibromyalgia.  Ever since that night I’ve felt a kind of kinship towards him.

Although I never got a diagnosis, I know I shared his affliction when I was even younger than him.  The constant pain left me tired and unsteady at times.  But I was labeled ‘lazy’ and ‘clumsy’ by many, including my father.  So I had to learn to hide my constant discomfort and fight my body’s tendency to not want to cooperate at times.  I don’t think my father ever realized how much work I put in to just trying to appear to be normal.  My mother on on the other hand knew better as did my little sister Isabella who often asked that I accompany her places to read to her.  Being so young and blessed with eyes like an angel’s, Father barely ever refused her requests thus getting me out from under his watchful eye.

It wasn’t that he was cruel, I think he simply believed that being firm with me would lead to my becoming a ‘real’ man down the road.  The idea of disappointing him always haunted me, which was part of the reason why I joined the Which is part of the reason I joined the 7th West Virginia Volunteer Regiment when the Civil War started.  The day I appeared before him and mother in uniform for the first time I could see the pride in his eyes.

But I also saw something else, fear.  This is probably what led to his pulling me close, something he rarely did with me and said, “I know how much you hurt sometimes and that your body can betray you.  They say this’ll be over before Christmas, so don’t be foolhardy.  Come back in one piece and know I’m always going to be proud of you, my son.”

Oh how I would’ve loved to have heard those words so much sooner, but just hearing them once was more than enough.

Looking at Teddy I knew he could use some words of comfort as well.  His shoulders were slumped and in his face was a trace of tiredness I knew only too well.

After a brief greeting I invited him inside the club.  He seemed surprised but was more than willing to accept my invitation.  We both knew the seats were comfortable and that the place would be nice and quiet.

Soon we were sitting quietly near my piano, chatting away.  He was now dating Tina, a member of the cheerleading squad.  She wasn’t the one he’d been asking to dance when the trouble started, but she had been on hand and had helped him up after I intervened.  Like him, she too suffers from Fibromyalgia, but that was not the reason he was alone tonight.  She had gone out of town to visit relatives, leaving him with time on his hands.

“So what brought you out this way?” I asked him. “You knew the club wouldn’t be open tonight.”

“Nothing,” he replied, a little too quickly.  “I was just in the neighborhood and needed to take a moment to rest when you saw me.”

He was hurting.  That much I was sure of.  But he also wasn’t telling me everything.  I decided to dig a little deeper.  “You know, when my Fibro was acting up I didn’t always feel like taking long walks.”

Teddy gives me an odd look, but says nothing.

“And I know you live all the way over on the other side of town,” I continued.

This time I saw realization sink in and his shoulders sagged.  “Okay, I came all the way over here to try and get to the music store before it closed, but I didn’t make it.”

By this time my curiosity was aroused.  “What were you going to get there?  Sheet music?”

“No a guitar,” he tells me.  “I’ve been getting lessons from one of my cousins for years now and I’ve gotten really good.  But I only really get to practice when I can borrow his or at school.  But I can’t take the ones from school home with me.  So I saved my money and was going to finally get my own, but my Fibro slowed me down and… well, you know the rest.”

I was both impressed and a little confused by his determination to get the instrument.  “You came all this way, even though you were hurting like hell to buy that guitar?  How come?  Why was it so important to you?”

He looked away from me and stared down at his hands.  “When I play, I lose myself in the music and I can forget the pain for a while.  I don’t feel like a loser or a lame-o,” he replied quietly.

“I know what you mean,” I told him and stood up.  Wandering over to my piano I continued, “I cannot tell you how many times I’ve sat here and just cut loose so I could become lost in the music.  The same thing happens when I’m dancing as well.  I can forget whatever’s bothering me and with that respite my mind can clear itself for a time.  Then, when I’ve finished, I feel recharged.  Invigorated and ready to face whatever’s coming.”

My fingers brushed the white keys ever so gently.  This piano and I were old friends.  It had been given to me by Jimmy Durante, the great Schnozzola himself, as a gift some years ago and I treasured it.  His charitable nature extended way beyond his friends.  I remembered all the work he did for boys, girls and teens all over.

Just then I heard his voice as if it was coming from behind me saying those immortal words, “Do it for the kids.”

Without a second thought, I asked Teddy to stay put while I went down into the storage area.  After a brief search I found what I was looking for and came back with a guitar cases.  It had belonged to one of my many nephews who had given up playing after less than a year and had gone onto working on cars instead.

Opening the case I pulled the instrument out.  It looked as new as I remembered.

Teddy gasped and came over to take a closer look.  “Oh man, it’s a Gibson!  And it’s in mint condition.”

Smiling, I handed it to him and said, “See if it’s still in tune.”

It wasn’t, but my companion quickly fixed rectified the problem.  He had a good ear and definitely knew his stuff.  Soon he was treating me to a display of his skills that held me in awe.  I’ve learned to play a number of instruments over the decades, but I’d never mastered the guitar.  Harps, keyboards, violin and a couple of wind instruments were my limit.

But Teddy knew exactly what he was doing.  Watching his fingers flying up and down the guitar’s neck and picking those strings was a marvel to behold.  He played for an hour and then we talked until it was time for him to go home.  I sent the guitar with him on ‘permanent’ loan.  To say he was grateful would be an understatement.  But I knew it would do better in his hands than just sitting in the storage room. Especially since I knew it would help him through those difficult times when the Fibro was getting too much.

I don’t feel those pains anymore of course.  My condition freed me from the shackles of Fibromyalgia and a great many other infirmities.  But I never forgot what it felt like, or how even a small respite of any kind could mean so much.

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Nathaniel’s Blog January 7th, 20– “A Night At The Crypt”

At The Crypt…

 

Brian talked me into taking the night off from transcribing more letters, and going to my dance club.  It’s an older building.  One of many I purchased during the Depression.  Like many I felt the pinch of the stock market collapse, but I wasn’t destroyed by it.  I lost a fair amount mind you, but I never kept all my eggs in one basket.  For one thing gold never goes out of style, no matter how bad things get.  Nor do diamonds and other fine jewels.  Plus I had investments that did not suffer, especially those overseas.  

Not that I’ve had to worry about money for some time.  I don’t have as many needs to spend money on, and I’ve had many jobs over the years which paid nicely.  What can I say, I like to keep busy doing things and learning new trades and skills.  It also helped that my first wife also left me quite well off.  Ah Madeline, even after 110 years I still miss her.  She was a wonderful woman and we enjoyed our time together.  Benjamin Franklin was quite right in his advice to a young man about being with an older woman, I learned so much from her.  Unfortunately, it also meant our time together was not nearly as long as I would’ve liked.

These days however, I’m surrounded by younger women all the time.  Which is only natural.  It’s hard to find someone your own age when you’re a 167.  Many are in their teens, some in their twenties, with the occasional 30 or 40 year old as well.  I admire them all, but keep myself somewhat distant.  Sex is still quite enjoyable, even being what I am.  But I’ve learned to be careful about who I partner up with for the pleasure. 

But tonight, I’m just enjoying the company of the crowd itself.  Love watching excitement and pleasure they get from being in a place where everyone knows they’re safe and can and enjoy themselves.

 

I’ve just finished running the turntables and turning them over to my main DJ “The Scar Man”.  Former gang -banger I met a few years back.  He’s a great guy and helps keep an eye out on  the younger crowd for me.  I prefer things being friendly around my place, not that there aren’t the occasional upsets and punches thrown.  After all, a lot of my clientele are in their teens.  Hormones are running rampant, and status is oh so important.

They mostly patrol themselves, because they know better than to have me intercede. If a weapon comes out, then I’m all over them before they know it.  God knows I’ve been stabbed by or even shot by accident more than once.  Most of the culprits freak out because they can’t believe what they’d just done.  A rare few, don’t care and even make another attempt to get past me.  They learn the hard way.  I make sure they never pull a weapon on anyone ever again, unless their own life or someone else’s is at stake.  I try not to be stupid with my powers.   Not everyone is as long-lived or hard to kill as I am.  

Tonight, I see trouble brewing but of the lesser kind.   

Over in one corner a boy named Teddy is asking the head cheerleader for a dance.  I’ve watched Teddy for a while.  He’s not one of my nephews, but he’s friends with a few.  He’s a good kid, on the quiet side, not good at sports and certainly not a stoner.  So in short, a prime ‘bully’ target.  When he was younger, I heard he cried a lot when he got picked on which led to getting beat up.  Although others intervened on those occasions, he seemed to suffer more than one would expect from a few simple punches.  These days I think I know why.  And now I see the football’s quarterback Cory coming over with a few of his buddies.

He grabs Teddy and gives him a body check that sends him into a couple of chairs.  Teddy hits the ground hard.  I pass through the crowd without their even realizing it.  Not one gyration or step is missed as I pass between the smallest of openings.

I’m standing before Cory and his friends before they can let out their first guffaw.  Their mouths clamp shut instantly.  I glance down at Teddy who is clenching his teeth in pain.  I can tell from here there’s only going to be a bruise or two, but I know what’s really going on.  I had it when I was a kid, only we didn’t have a name for it back then.  

Cory starts telling me that he’d warned Teddy about bothering Sherry, the cheerleader.  They’re not actually dating, but he’s one of those alpha males who thinks they are destined to be a couple.  Someone’s been watching too many movies.

I nod and tell him he’s not in trouble with me.  But I also point out that I know for a fact that he’s been riding Ted since elementary school.  That’s another benefit of being around for so long, you hear a lot of things. “While I’m glad you’ve channeled your more aggressive nature into sports, it doesn’t give you free pass for tormenting those who are ill,” I tell him.

He gives me an incredulous look.  “What are you talking about?  He’s just a drama-queen who likes to have people feeling sorry for him,” he shoots back.

Turning to Ted I ask, “How bad is your Fibromyalgia acting up today?  What are the pain levels like?”

The young man stares at me in shock.  “You know?”

I nod and say, “Of course I do.  Takes one to know one.  I had it back when I was a kid.  I suspect you have too.”

“Yeah,” he tells me looking away.  “It’s been this way my whole life.  They only diagnosed me with it two years ago.  Everyone kept telling me I was a crybaby, or a wimp who needed to toughen up.  My dad kept telling me I needed to be a man.  He never believed me until the doctor’s told him what was wrong.  He still doesn’t, but Mom does.  So do my sisters.”

Behind me I hear one of Cory’s crew muttering, “Shit!  My mom’s got that.”

I reach down and help Ted up onto a chair.  He hurts more than he’s letting on, but I can sense it.  One of the other cheerleaders, comes over and sits down with us.  I remember her name is Tina.  She’s one of the back-up cheerleaders.  She starts telling Ted that she knows where he’s coming from and that she has it too.  Which is why she’s a second-stringer.  Her ability to perform is erratic some days.

I leave them all to sort things out amongst themselves.  A few friendships may arise from this, even possibly a romantic relationship.  Mostly I’m hoping to see tolerance come from this encounter.  Invisible illnesses can be quite a difficult thing to contend with.  Both for the person suffering it, as well as for others to recognize.  

My own father never fully recognized it in me, but I learned to hide it with time.  He wanted a son who was strong and able.  I did my best for years to live up to that expectation.  It was also one of the prime reasons I went to war, besides wanting to protect my friends.  I no longer feel those old pains at least not physically.  But I remember them as well as if they were still plaguing me.  I can’t do anything for the physical pain, Ted is feeling, but at least I may have lessened some of the others he’s known for so long.

I glance back once more.  Cory and most of his crew have moved on, but Tina is still with Ted.  They seem to be getting on pretty well.

Katy Perry’s “Roar” is winding down, so I head over to the keyboard.  A little slow dance music seems to be in order.